My Naked Truth!!!
It was sometime ago after the birth of my son I decided that I should take the time to seriously reflect on what living a celibate life and pursuing celibacy and celibate love mean to me personally. Although it was difficult when I first started out (and it still is 4yers now) I don’t have to live in fear, my heart is free, my conscience is clear
Celibacy is a topic that isn’t discussed often, but with the rising number of people choosing celibacy who still have a desire to interact with the opposite sex, this topic is becoming a highlight of conversations. During celibacy, a person chooses to refrain from sexual intercourse and any activity that may lead to sex for reasons usually associated with personal or spiritual development.
Being sexual and being celibate are two different things. There are sexually active sexuals. There are sexuals who are totally indifferent to sex whether they’re currently having it or not. There are sexuals who end up in a series of romantic-sexual relationships and who even end up in normative romantic-sexual marriages. There are sexuals who have had a lot of sex with several different people and sexuals who have a lot of sex within one particular relationship. There are sexuals who do not want to have sex but who do want to have a primary partnership in life and thus decide—with no small amount of anguish—that eventually, they’re going to have to force themselves to have sex for the sake of keeping a sexual person’s love. There are celibate sexuals who are sex-averse, repulsed, or indifferent with celibate leanings that simply give up on primary love altogether based on the sole fact that they won’t consent to sex. Finally, there are celibate sexuals who stay hopeful about finding the kind of love they want and the ones who already have found it (that’s me).
Being celibate means a lot of different things to me. It’s a statement of what I value, how I love, how I relate, how I want to be treated. It’s a major political statement about how I reject the way sexual society sees love and relationships and intimacy. It’s an exercise of my freedom and autonomy. It’s a decision that I made intelligently, deliberately, and with awareness of what it implies. I never wanted to live the rest of my life without ever experiencing the kind of love I desire, without ever having a primary/cohabiting relationship, without having consistent physical affection and sensuality (which has always been very important me), etc—all because I choose not to have sex, I choose not to do love and relationships the way almost everybody in the world does them, I choose not to accept the relationship framework that society suggests is the one and only “normal” way. I have done that and two babies later I really had to reflect on how I lived my 20’s & 30’s and how I wanted to live my 40’s.
Living a celibate life is important to me because my ideal nonsexual love is important to me. I have had this image in my head of a bond between two people that is deeply emotional, passionate, devoted, intimate, sensual, and which connects them mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, all while remaining completely nonsexual. This is the kind of relationship that thrills me, that captivates me, that excites me. This is the kind of relationship that I adore so much that I’ve spent years writing about it in fiction, researching it, writing about it academically, looking for it in literature and TV and film, reading fanfiction about it, etc. My value of this ideal has nothing to do with sexuality, more of my inner peace and setting an example for my children.
I do acknowledge now that this divergence of mine is largely a choice. I could theoretically force myself to go through the motions of normative romantic-sexual dating, of sex, of the romantic-sex based relationship hierarchy, etc. (Well. Realistically, I couldn’t because all of that feels so antithetical to the core of who I am, that I probably wouldn’t get very far in the charade.) Instead, I have never bothered trying to be that person.
I have been in unhealthy/toxic relationships, I was living off my plans instead of God’s plans. I am determined to keep the big picture always in the forefront. I am willing to sacrifice a momentary pleasure that has the ability to derail the rest of my life and I am choosing instead to WAIT until God sends Mr. Right in my direction. I felt tortured for a long time about not having the relationships and love I really want or any love at all because of this lifestyle choice, but instead of forcing myself to try being normative, I eventually got on a road to inner peace…and that’s my naked truth!
Love Life…Do Good…Live Well!
~ Are you celibate?
~ Have you been thinking about going celibate?
~ What does celibecy mean to you?