Monthly Archives: March 2017
8 week “Life Work” Series (week#8)
Now as you all know these last 8 weeks have been nothing short of amazing I’ve been sharing all my notes with you and my panel discussions. A friend of mine invited me to co-host a “Life Work” Series thru a panel of some other movers & shakers for her Adult Learning University students (a coarse they call Life Development). It has changed my life…
5 Step Plan To Turning Any Setback Into A Comeback
Setbacks happen. They happen to all of us. Illness, jobs lost, broken relationships – even death. Sometimes something as simple as a flat tire, when late for an important meeting, derails us.
How we react to the curve balls and setbacks that we face everyday defines our path in the world and our long-term results.
If you didn’t realise there were choices to be made when faced with a set back, check out this short guide that will have you using the next major setback you face as a Set Up for the Comeback story in your life
1. Get Out Of Your Head
Take a fifteen-minute break (longer if required) and re-group. You may require a fair bit longer depending on the severity of the situation. But here is why you do it. You have to separate yourself from the situation or set of circumstances. Ultimately, who you are can never be defined by your current situation or by any setback. You have to take a step back and see that you are so much more that anything that might happen to you in this world.
I like to take a walk. Getting outside and into nature helps me to get out of my head. When I was going through health challenges, there were times when my energy was completely depleted and I wasn’t even able to walk. Those were tough days, because time and space out of doors is sanctuary for me. Find that spot for yourself where you can step out of what is going on and take a clear look at the situation.
Now, some situations are entirely different and would appear more difficult to separate yourself from. I often start looking at a setback from the reference point of, “How much is this going to matter a year or five years from now?”
2. Accept That What Is Done Is Done
The reality of any situation, and the hardest part for my kids to understand is that what has happened has happened, what is done is done. There is no going back. History can’t be altered, and unfortunate events cannot be undone. This is the fork in the road that, as humans, we all have to be acutely aware of because a choice has to be made. The reason we need to remain on high alert, following a setback, is because this choice can all too often be made completely unconsciously.
If we refuse to make an alert choice to accept and be at peace with an event, situation or setback, we are instantly transported onto the less desirable road where we become stuck in the mud of battling the obstacles of pity, despair and guilt.
3. Find The Good In All Things
This can be tough. Sometimes it’s obvious though. If a business deal collapses or comes to an end, you can waste time commiserating over it, or decide to look at the opportunities that it offered you, and the experience that came out of it. I hear top entrepreneurial leaders say all the time that most great business leaders fail several times before they get things right. Who is to say why they failed, and looking to place blame is useless. Use it as a learning experience and the fuel to persevere and try the next endeavour. That is finding the good.
I had a hard time finding the good in the destruction of my business and finances, but out of it all came a story. I decided to start a blog, tell my story and find ways to help others to similarly make changes, or find ways to get past difficult situations. I tell myself all the time, if it doesn’t work this way, it will work another way. I have accepted it, and with time, found the good in the situation.
Decide to be grateful for everything that happens, not to you, but rather for you. There is no comeback without a setback.
4. Set Clear Intentions For A Comeback
In my opinion this is the most important step. Even if you didn’t do the first three steps that well, if you feed clear intentions to your mind your ultimate comeback is undeniable. Believe that you can become an unstoppable force of nature and dispel yourself of all guilt, remorse and uncertainty.
I am a very visual guy and I do two things:
5. Develop Daily Goals & Related Actions
I wrote an article, 3 Inspiring Comeback Stories to Help You Get Better, on my blog at GetBetterHQ.com. In it, the story about Chad Jones’ rehabilitation is amazing. The level of commitment to his daily disciplines, the things that he did, whether he wanted to or not, in order to re-build his leg and restore it’s function is incredible. Watch the video. This is what I mean by matching your actions to your goals.
Too often we say we want something, but our actions don’t reveal a deep, inner desire to obtain it. We want to get in shape, but we sit on the couch for three hours watching TV. We want to make more money, but we watch the clock all day and aren’t prepared to do more work, or we’re scared to start a business. We need our burning desire to become a passion and we need to be willing to sacrifice what we might want right now for that bigger, more rewarding goal.
Simply put, our Dreams have to be bigger than our excuses!
When you understand the daily actions required to achieve your goal, you have a formula that WILL work. Apply commitment, focus and course correct as required and the Comeback isn’t an eventuality. It becomes your new reality!
photo source: roseamongthethorns.com
My Final Thoughts….
8 week “Life Work” Series (week #7)
We all want to live a life of meaning, joy, and fulfillment. But let’s be honest… it’s not easy!
Finding our passions, defining our purpose, and balancing all the many aspects of a complete and rich life… this stuff takes work!
Living a life that has some kind of meaning is one of the most widely held goals in existence — something by which we motivate and measure ourselves.
While there is no single answer, research has shown that there are several factors that influence our ability to find satisfaction and meaning in life.
Here then are a few pointers:
~ Figure out what activities leave you energized. There are other types of activities that make us feel alive. These are activities that we look forward to, that we focus on completely, and finish having more energy than when we started. These are also the activities that we give our best energy to and that we try to make the highest quality.
- Energizing activities are often our hobbies, like working on machines, collecting items, writing, gardening, cooking, and so on.
- The important thing to remember about these activities is that they require movement on our part—it does not mean watching TV or other screen-watching.
~ Determine what activities leave you feeling neutral. Some activities we engage in because they don’t require us to do anything, like sitting and watching TV. These activities don’t drain us, but they don’t energize us either. If your life is predominantly full of draining activities, you look forward to these neutral activities so that you don’t have to do anything else.
- Neutral activities can also include surfing the internet, playing games on your smart phone, and other activities that involve watching screens.
- These activities don’t require brainpower, but they don’t leave you feeling refreshed.
~ Decide what activities drain you. In order for life to have meaning, it needs to have purpose. Take a look at the activities that you engage in on a daily basis and evaluate how many of those activities make you feel worn out after you finish them. These are also the activities that you dread doing, having to give yourself a pep talk to get going.
- These activities are also ones that you find yourself rushing through and not caring as much about how well you do them.
- For example, if you hate your job, each shift can be considered a draining activity.
~ Decide if your career lines up with this plan. You are probably already thinking about your job and whether or not you should keep it if it is a draining activity. The choice is up to you. You have to take stock of things, like how much your family suffers because of your attitude toward work, and if you would be able to find another source of income if you quit.
- For example, if you have a family who is tired of watching you come home every day without any energy, you may want to think about getting a different, less draining job; cutting back your hours instead of quitting; or finding a new source of income altogether, like starting your own business selling the product you make (or the service you perform) with your energizing activity.
- You can also consider going back to school while you still have your old job if you feel that a different career would make your life more purposeful and meaningful.
- The important thing, though, is to find a balance among energizing, neutral, and draining activities.
~ Be willing to explore new pursuits. Being open-minded about trying new things is also important when considering how much of your life is purposeful and meaningful. Trying something that you have never tried before is the perfect way to discover energizing activities. Doing so can also help you discover a purposeful existence.
- You can try new activities that are easy to learn about on your own through the internet, like blogging, cooking, and gardening.
- You can also find an expert in your area who is willing to teach you how to do something new, such as taking pilot lessons or signing up for a community art class.
~ Do For Others It’s no great secret that giving to others improves our own feelings of purpose and meaning. Giving can take many forms, of course: donating our time, or our talents — or simply lending a friendly ear.
Helping others seems to be strongly correlated with increased life satisfaction. Lending a helping hand can provide a sense of purpose for us, young and old.
One fascinating aspect of working for the benefit of others is that helping others improves both physical and mental health. In fact, studies show that involvement in community service activities is linked to living longer.
8 week “Life Work” Series (week#6)
As we get older we realize that it matters very much who we spend our time with. If we spend a lot of time around people who bring us down and make us feel bad about ourselves, that feeling persists even when we’re not with the mojo-crushing person. This general group of people — whom we can safely call “toxic” — might resent your progress for any number of reasons. Perhaps they think you’ll no longer be in their life if you improve too much. Maybe they feel like your improvement exposes their own shortcomings. Or perhaps they’re just threatened by the idea of change. It’s rare for a toxic people to totally sabotage your attempts at self-improvement, but it does happen. At the very least, they will certainly slow your progress. More to the point, would you want someone in your life who’s actively opposed to making your life better?
The answer, of course, is no. And yet that can be hard to accept, until you begin to recognize the effects of toxicity within you.
an old myth that frogs will pull down other frogs trying to escape a pot of boiling water. That’s Removing Toxic People from Your Life | Why It’s So Important
Under the influence of a toxic person, you might second guess yourself on an important decision. You might feel sad, uncomfortable and downright ashamed about your own progress and well-being. You might even take on some of the same toxic qualities you resent in others — something that happens to the best of us — because toxic people have a peculiar way of making you toxic yourself.
How to Cut Out the Truly Toxic People
First, a quick warning: Cutting toxic people out of your life can blow up in your face. That’s part of the disease. With that said, it’s absolutely crucial to remove these people from your life in a healthy and rational way.
So how do you go about removing these toxic people from your life and reclaiming the time and energy you’ve been giving them?
Accept that it might be a process. Getting rid of toxic elements isn’t always easy. They don’t respect your boundaries now, so it’s likely they won’t respect them later. They might come back even after you tell them to go away. You might have to tell them to leave several times before they finally do. So keep in mind that distancing yourself is a gradual process.
Don’t feel like you owe them a huge explanation. Any explaining you do is more for you than for them. Again, tell them how you feel, which is a subject not open for debate. Or, if you prefer, keep it simple: Tell them calmly and kindly that you don’t want them in your life anymore, and leave it at that. How much or how little you tell them is really up to you. Every relationship requires a different approach.
Talk to them in a public place. It’s not unheard of for toxic people to get belligerent or even violent. Talking to them publicly can significantly diminish the chances of this happening. If you run into problems, you can just get up and leave.
Block them on social media. Technology makes distancing more difficult, so don’t leave any window open for them to bully or cajole you. You’ve set boundaries. Stick to them. This includes preventing them from contacting you via social media, if appropriate. Shutting down email and other lines of communication with a toxic person might also be in order.
Don’t argue — just restate your boundaries. It’s tempting to fall into the dynamic of toxicity by arguing or fighting — that is precisely what toxic people do. In the event they do return, make a promise with yourself to avoid an argument. Firmly restate your boundaries, then end communication. You’re not trying to “debate” the person into leaving you alone. This isn’t a negotiation. You can, however, make it less and less attractive for them to keep bothering you. “Do not feed the trolls!”
Consider writing a letter. Writing yourself a letter is a sort of dress rehearsal for an in-person conversation. You’re clarifying your thoughts and articulating your feelings. You can also refer back to the letter later, if you need to remember why you made the decision to cut someone out. Because toxic people often do everything they can to stay in your life, you’ll need all the help you can get.
Consider creating distance instead of separation. Remember the person we talked about above — the one who’s not toxic, but just a drag? You don’t have to cut these people out of your life completely. You just need to create distance by occupying your time with other friends and activities, and agreeing not to feed into their dynamic.
March Is National Health Month
This month we are taking our $10.00 funds and donating to
St. Jude Research Hospital
The mission of St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is to advance cures, and means of prevention, for pediatric catastrophic diseases through research and treatment. Consistent with the vision of our founder Danny Thomas, no child is denied treatment based on race, religion or a family’s ability to pay. St Jude is leading the way the world understands, treats and defeats childhood cancer and other life threatening diseases.
Unsure of his life’s direction, a young Danny Thomas sought guidance from St. Jude Thaddeus, the patron saint of hopeless causes. If the saint would point to the path he should take, Danny vowed to build a shrine in his name. Success followed Danny’s plea and soon after, the legendary entertainer set about fulfilling his vow to St. Jude. The result was St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.
Thank You For Your Support!
As we are into March I wanted to give you a little update of where we are
A friend of mine invited me to co-host a “Life Work” Series thru a panel of some other movers & shakers for her Adult Learning University students (a coarse they call Life Development). Now I’m not a life coach, I can only tell you what I know for sure and as a busy Chic Momma, Entrepreneur, PR Chic my life can get a little crazy and with that she needed “real people” on her panel to give their opinion.
I have spoke this many times giving yourself permission in the power of “YES”. When I read Shonda Rhims book “Year of YES” it opened doors for me. So in continuing in my “Life Work” Series with a few panelists of friends I wanted to share my series with you and notes I’ll be taking from others on the panel with a little more expereience other than myself. However either way, I’m hoping you get something out of this if not just dialouge and amongst your peers that get you shakin & stirred and reinventing your LIFEstyle.
What is a Power Word?
All words are powerful in their own way, it really depends on who is listening. For example, if you tell someone that you love them in English, yet they only speak Mandarin, then it won’t have any meaning or power at all. That’s why I’ve come to understand that firstly we must be speaking the same language before any words can have power.
In a sense, words have no power at all. It’s more that they are given meaning by the person who is listening to them. I’ll talk a little more about this later as we can radically reduce the power words have over us to make us feel good or bad just by changing one simple thing about the way we listen.
For now though, a power word is a word that instantly empowers you the moment you speak it. Sure, you can also group words together to make powerful statements, but what I’m talking about here is the power to use two simple words to let yourself and others know exactly where you stand.
Those words are, ‘Yes’, and ‘No’.
How And When To Use Power Words
This is the simplest part of all. Say ‘Yes’ when you mean yes, and say ‘No’ when you mean no. If you stick to this rule then you’ll live a happy, healthy, and empowered life. But if you don’t, then you’ll end up feeling frustrated and resentful that you are not being honest with yourself and others.
The most obvious reason that we would say yes when we mean no would be so that we don’t disappoint someone we love or care about, or if it’s in a work environment where we don’t feel safe to say no. The reality is that the only reason any of us say yes when we mean no is because at some level we are afraid of being honest.
Once we recognize that our fear is in control of our life, rather than our courage, then we can choose to take steps to change it. At first you may need to think about a few different ways to learn to say no without it coming across to harsh or blunt. Once you get comfortable with saying no, then of course, that won’t be an issue.
7 Ways To Practice Saying ‘No’ Gently
1. Right now it’s a no from me, but perhaps we can look at it some other time?
2. It’s not really something that I’m interested in but thank you for thinking of me.
3. Hmmm… that’s not going to work for me.
4. It’s actually quite hard for me to say no to people, but I’m practicing being more courageous, so I’m going to say no right now.
5. Yes, I might be interested in something like that at some other point in time, but it’s a no for right now.
6. I’m not available for something like that right now but how would Saturday at 3pm work for you?
7. I’d prefer not to at the moment but perhaps we can look at it again some other time.
The Power of Saying ‘Yes’ to Yourself
When you say no to someone else you are always saying yes to yourself – and that is a very powerful thing to do. Yes, is without a doubt one of the most powerful words in the English language as it has the power to open doors and create a connection like no other word can.
Conversely, when we say no, it typically creates a disconnection between others as how they react to it will depend on their level of self-esteem. People with low self-esteem, or those who have a superiority complex will see it as a rejection or a personal dig at them. Either way, you can’t be responsible for their insecurities so do your best to love them anyway.
The fastest way to allow the power of the word yes to uplift your life is to get really good at saying yes to yourself – all the time. When you get good at that, then you’ll find it easier to say yes to others when you mean it, and then to say no when you mean it.
Every time you say yes to someone when you mean no, you undermine your own self-esteem. This ultimately leads to resenting what you are doing for others, which will affect how you think and feel about both them and yourself.
After months of teasing and expertly building up anticipation, tonight BET finally airs its 3-part miniseries The New Edition Story. This is a big week for the group who just received their star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Whether you are old enough to remember all of their legendary moments first-hand or came to…
Can you believe the The Evolution! Society is turning five years old this March? We’re growing up so fast, and we’re experiencing more adventures together than ever before. We are tackling new challenges like dazzling the city at cocktail fetes and philanthropic events; and pushing our bodies to new extremes with Zumba. I hope you’ve pushed yourself out of your comfort zone, experienced something new and thrilling, and of course, I hope you’ve met fabulous new friends along the way. As many of you know, this past year has been a transformative one for me.
I continue to feel grateful that each and every one of you is an integral part of our vibrant community and my life. I wish you an exciting new year filled with growth, laughter, and breathtaking adventure. Also, don’t forget we always give you your Motivational Mondays, Wellness Wednesday and “Things We Are Lovely Lately”….so stay tuned and be inspired…many blessings!
We look forward to being of continued service to you and I hope you will enjoy the benefits of our new co-op networking community. Please let us know what you’re doing in your business and community, your feedback is very important to us! Positive Mind…Positive Vibe…Positive Life
What do you plan on doing new this month?
Say “YES” to doing something new everyday
always thought about diving, say YES ~ want to take a spin class, say YES ~ want to ask a man out, say YES…don’t hold back own your “YES”.
Put your phone down and have real conversations J
Book of The Month
“I’m Judging You”
“Join The Movement”
Crystal Dixon CEO/Event Director
The Evolution Society LLC
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