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Motivational Monday 3/27


8 week “Life Work” Series (week#8)

Now as you all know these last 8 weeks have been nothing short of amazing I’ve been sharing all my notes with you and my panel discussions. A friend of mine invited me to co-host a  “Life Work” Series thru a panel of some other movers & shakers for her Adult Learning University students (a coarse they call Life Development). It has changed my life…

5 Step Plan To Turning Any Setback Into A Comeback

What do you do when life deals you a losing hand and the world appears to single you out and turn against you?

Setbacks happen. They happen to all of us. Illness, jobs lost, broken relationships – even death. Sometimes something as simple as a flat tire, when late for an important meeting, derails us.

How we react to the curve balls and setbacks that we face everyday defines our path in the world and our long-term results.

If you didn’t realise there were choices to be made when faced with a set back, check out this short guide that will have you using the next major setback you face as a Set Up for the Comeback story in your life

1. Get Out Of Your Head

Take a fifteen-minute break (longer if required) and re-group. You may require a fair bit longer depending on the severity of the situation. But here is why you do it. You have to separate yourself from the situation or set of circumstances. Ultimately, who you are can never be defined by your current situation or by any setback. You have to take a step back and see that you are so much more that anything that might happen to you in this world.

I like to take a walk. Getting outside and into nature helps me to get out of my head. When I was going through health challenges, there were times when my energy was completely depleted and I wasn’t even able to walk. Those were tough days, because time and space out of doors is sanctuary for me. Find that spot for yourself where you can step out of what is going on and take a clear look at the situation.

Now, some situations are entirely different and would appear more difficult to separate yourself from. I often start looking at a setback from the reference point of, “How much is this going to matter a year or five years from now?”

2. Accept That What Is Done Is Done

The reality of any situation, and the hardest part for my kids to understand is that what has happened has happened, what is done is done. There is no going back. History can’t be altered, and unfortunate events cannot be undone. This is the fork in the road that, as humans, we all have to be acutely aware of because a choice has to be made. The reason we need to remain on high alert, following a setback, is because this choice can all too often be made completely unconsciously.

If we refuse to make an alert choice to accept and be at peace with an event, situation or setback, we are instantly transported onto the less desirable road where we become stuck in the mud of battling the obstacles of pity, despair and guilt.

3. Find The Good In All Things

This can be tough. Sometimes it’s obvious though. If a business deal collapses or comes to an end, you can waste time commiserating over it, or decide to look at the opportunities that it offered you, and the experience that came out of it. I hear top entrepreneurial leaders say all the time that most great business leaders fail several times before they get things right. Who is to say why they failed, and looking to place blame is useless. Use it as a learning experience and the fuel to persevere and try the next endeavour. That is finding the good.

I had a hard time finding the good in the destruction of my business and finances, but out of it all came a story. I decided to start a blog, tell my story and find ways to help others to similarly make changes, or find ways to get past difficult situations. I tell myself all the time, if it doesn’t work this way, it will work another way. I have accepted it, and with time, found the good in the situation.

Decide to be grateful for everything that happens, not to you, but rather for you. There is no comeback without a setback.

4. Set Clear Intentions For A Comeback

In my opinion this is the most important step. Even if you didn’t do the first three steps that well, if you feed clear intentions to your mind your ultimate comeback is undeniable. Believe that you can become an unstoppable force of nature and dispel yourself of all guilt, remorse and uncertainty.

I am a very visual guy and I do two things:

5. Develop Daily Goals & Related Actions

I wrote an article, 3 Inspiring Comeback Stories to Help You Get Better, on my blog at In it, the story about Chad Jones’ rehabilitation is amazing. The level of commitment to his daily disciplines, the things that he did, whether he wanted to or not, in order to re-build his leg and restore it’s function is incredible. Watch the video. This is what I mean by matching your actions to your goals.

Too often we say we want something, but our actions don’t reveal a deep, inner desire to obtain it. We want to get in shape, but we sit on the couch for three hours watching TV. We want to make more money, but we watch the clock all day and aren’t prepared to do more work, or we’re scared to start a business. We need our burning desire to become a passion and we need to be willing to sacrifice what we might want right now for that bigger, more rewarding goal.

Simply put, our Dreams have to be bigger than our excuses!

When you understand the daily actions required to achieve your goal, you have a formula that WILL work. Apply commitment, focus and course correct as required and the Comeback isn’t an eventuality. It becomes your new reality!

photo source:

My Final Thoughts….


Motivational Monday 3/20

Image result for meaningful life photos

8 week “Life Work” Series (week #7)

Personally Speaking…

We all want to live a life of meaning, joy, and fulfillment. But let’s be honest… it’s not easy!

Finding our passions, defining our purpose, and balancing all the many aspects of a complete and rich life… this stuff takes work! 

Living a life that has some kind of meaning is one of the most widely held goals in existence — something by which we motivate and measure ourselves.

While there is no single answer, research has shown that there are several factors that influence our ability to find satisfaction and meaning in life.

Here then are a few pointers:

~ Figure out what activities leave you energized. There are other types of activities that make us feel alive. These are activities that we look forward to, that we focus on completely, and finish having more energy than when we started. These are also the activities that we give our best energy to and that we try to make the highest quality.

    • Energizing activities are often our hobbies, like working on machines, collecting items, writing, gardening, cooking, and so on.
    • The important thing to remember about these activities is that they require movement on our part—it does not mean watching TV or other screen-watching.

~ Determine what activities leave you feeling neutral. Some activities we engage in because they don’t require us to do anything, like sitting and watching TV. These activities don’t drain us, but they don’t energize us either. If your life is predominantly full of draining activities, you look forward to these neutral activities so that you don’t have to do anything else.[2]

    • Neutral activities can also include surfing the internet, playing games on your smart phone, and other activities that involve watching screens.
    • These activities don’t require brainpower, but they don’t leave you feeling refreshed.

~ Decide what activities drain you. In order for life to have meaning, it needs to have purpose. Take a look at the activities that you engage in on a daily basis and evaluate how many of those activities make you feel worn out after you finish them. These are also the activities that you dread doing, having to give yourself a pep talk to get going.[3]

    • These activities are also ones that you find yourself rushing through and not caring as much about how well you do them.
    • For example, if you hate your job, each shift can be considered a draining activity.

~ Decide if your career lines up with this plan. You are probably already thinking about your job and whether or not you should keep it if it is a draining activity. The choice is up to you. You have to take stock of things, like how much your family suffers because of your attitude toward work, and if you would be able to find another source of income if you quit.

    • For example, if you have a family who is tired of watching you come home every day without any energy, you may want to think about getting a different, less draining job; cutting back your hours instead of quitting; or finding a new source of income altogether, like starting your own business selling the product you make (or the service you perform) with your energizing activity.
    • You can also consider going back to school while you still have your old job if you feel that a different career would make your life more purposeful and meaningful.
    • The important thing, though, is to find a balance among energizing, neutral, and draining activities.

~ Be willing to explore new pursuits. Being open-minded about trying new things is also important when considering how much of your life is purposeful and meaningful. Trying something that you have never tried before is the perfect way to discover energizing activities. Doing so can also help you discover a purposeful existence.

    • You can try new activities that are easy to learn about on your own through the internet, like blogging, cooking, and gardening.
    • You can also find an expert in your area who is willing to teach you how to do something new, such as taking pilot lessons or signing up for a community art class.

 ~ Do For Others  It’s no great secret that giving to others improves our own feelings of purpose and meaning. Giving can take many forms, of course: donating our time, or our talents — or simply lending a friendly ear.

Helping others seems to be strongly correlated with increased life satisfaction. Lending a helping hand can provide a sense of purpose for us, young and old.

One fascinating aspect of working for the benefit of others is that helping others improves both physical and mental health. In fact, studies show that involvement in community service activities is linked to living longer.




Motivational Monday 3/13

Turn on bulb on green background

8 week “Life Work” Series (week#6)

Toxic People

As we get older we realize that it matters very much who we spend our time with. If we spend a lot of time around people who bring us down and make us feel bad about ourselves, that feeling persists even when we’re not with the mojo-crushing Life by Design three coloured box logoperson. This general group of people — whom we can safely call “toxic” — might resent your progress for any number of reasons. Perhaps they think you’ll no longer be in their life if you improve too much. Maybe they feel like your improvement exposes their own shortcomings. Or perhaps they’re just threatened by the idea of change. It’s rare for a toxic people to totally sabotage your attempts at self-improvement, but it does happen. At the very least, they will certainly slow your progress. More to the point, would you want someone in your life who’s actively opposed to making your life better?

The answer, of course, is no. And yet that can be hard to accept, until you begin to recognize the effects of toxicity within you.

 an old myth that frogs will pull down other frogs trying to escape a pot of boiling water. That’s Removing Toxic People from Your Life | Why It’s So Important

Under the influence of a toxic person, you might second guess yourself on an important decision. You might feel sad, uncomfortable and downright ashamed about your own progress and well-being. You might even take on some of the same toxic qualities you resent in others — something that happens to the best of us — because toxic people have a peculiar way of making you toxic yourself.

How to Cut Out the Truly Toxic People

First, a quick warning: Cutting toxic people out of your life can blow up in your face. That’s part of the disease. With that said, it’s absolutely crucial to remove these people from your life in a healthy and rational way.

So how do you go about removing these toxic people from your life and reclaiming the time and energy you’ve been giving them?

Accept that it might be a process. Getting rid of toxic elements isn’t always easy. They don’t respect your boundaries now, so it’s likely they won’t respect them later. They might come back even after you tell them to go away. You might have to tell them to leave several times before they finally do. So keep in mind that distancing yourself is a gradual process.

Don’t feel like you owe them a huge explanation. Any explaining you do is more for you than for them. Again, tell them how you feel, which is a subject not open for debate. Or, if you prefer, keep it simple: Tell them calmly and kindly that you don’t want them in your life anymore, and leave it at that. How much or how little you tell them is really up to you. Every relationship requires a different approach.

Talk to them in a public place. It’s not unheard of for toxic people to get belligerent or even violent. Talking to them publicly can significantly diminish the chances of this happening. If you run into problems, you can just get up and leave.

Block them on social media. Technology makes distancing more difficult, so don’t leave any window open for them to bully or cajole you. You’ve set boundaries. Stick to them. This includes preventing them from contacting you via social media, if appropriate. Shutting down email and other lines of communication with a toxic person might also be in order.

Don’t argue — just restate your boundaries. It’s tempting to fall into the dynamic of toxicity by arguing or fighting — that is precisely what toxic people do. In the event they do return, make a promise with yourself to avoid an argument. Firmly restate your boundaries, then end communication. You’re not trying to “debate” the person into leaving you alone. This isn’t a negotiation. You can, however, make it less and less attractive for them to keep bothering you. “Do not feed the trolls!”

Consider writing a letter. Writing yourself a letter is a sort of dress rehearsal for an in-person conversation. You’re clarifying your thoughts and articulating your feelings. You can also refer back to the letter later, if you need to remember why you made the decision to cut someone out. Because toxic people often do everything they can to stay in your life, you’ll need all the help you can get.

Consider creating distance instead of separation. Remember the person we talked about above — the one who’s not toxic, but just a drag? You don’t have to cut these people out of your life completely. You just need to create distance by occupying your time with other friends and activities, and agreeing not to feed into their dynamic.



Motivational Monday 2/27

8 wk “Life Work “Series (week#4)

Lisa Nicholas



Own Your Power By Lisa Nichols



Life is compartmental: You can be effective in one area and be a hot mess in another. When you’re in breakdown, you aren’t necessarily dismantled, your hair disheveled and two steps away from wearing a white gown that ties in the back. You may still wear your flawless makeup and produce stellar results. But some areas of your life might need to be reevaluated.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Consider this: Does thinking about your credit score, your cluttered garage, your work, your health or relationship with your partner energize or drain you? If it’s the latter, then that part of your life is in breakdown and needs your attention.


Sit down with a piece of paper and list these seven environments of your life: relationships, finances, connection to nature, professional network, physical environment, health and spirituality.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: On a scale of 1 (it’s unbearable) to 5 (you love it!), rate how you feel in each area. Ask yourself; Is it okay for me to live like this for the next ten years? If the answer is yes, then it’s a 4 or 5 and you’re trending in the right direction. But if you’re simply tolerating an area of life, then that’s a 3-it may not be in the ICU, but it’s in the waiting room ER. The goal is to move every single area of your life from breakdown (1 or 2) and toleration (3) to absolute joy (4 or 5). If your simply putting up with your wrecked finances, your lack of closeness with friends, here’s the reality: it will become less tolerable over time. And everything you tolerate is taking your energy away from the bliss you could be creating.



In every area of your life, are you running toward abundance and joy, or are you trying to outrun failure? It’s important that you make that distinction. Are you building relationships because you want more love in your life or because you’re afraid to be alone? A fear-based motivation will not last. So what will last? Moving toward possibility.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Ask yourself the following: Am I making relationship that result in amazing love or so that I won’t be alone? Am I working this hard to build my financial dream or to avoid being broke? Am I saying yes because I love to help or because I want to be liked? Share your honest answers with a sisterfriend.


Let’s say you want to launch a new business. You’re consumed with anxiety that you’ll fail. You ask yourself, What if I start this business and it flounders, then what? Answer the question: If your business flops, you’ll go in an altogether different direction. But eventually, you will make more money. In the meantime, your family and your real friends will support in starting again and love you in starting again and love you no matter what. When you breakdown each of your misgivings with answers based in logic rather than in emotion. I will minimize the trepidation and allow you to focus on the possibilities.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Write down a desire that makes you anxious each time you think about pursuing it. Now write down four of the worst things that could happen if you moved forward on this desire. Next write down four actions you would take to bounce back if things didn’t work out. Remember, take the emotion out of your answer, and watch the fear evaporate.


Recall the past 3, 5 or 15 years. What are you most proud of? What have you already done? Rather that starting from deprivation, start from celebration-it’s a far more powerful place to begin. Now take out a favorite notebook and let’s get to work.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Write this heading ” I have already…” and then finish that sentence with your accomplishments. Maybe you’ve already started an awesome career, made a health change, or became a great parent. You’ve done so many things well. Acknowledge that.


What would success look like in each of the seven environments of your life? Picture it. Break it up into milestones. Write that down. Your goal, for example, may be to live in prosperity, but you are deeply in debt. Set yourself up for micro wins and those that grow into macro wins.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: To shore up your finances for example, identify tasks. One may be to develop a working budget that trims your spending. Another may be to negotiate your debt down by calling up creditors. And your finish line? Perhaps it’s to have enough savings to cover all your living expenses for a year. The only way to tackle the large goal is to do one task at a time while leaving the worry about the overarching goal in the distance.


Pay attention to your thoughts and conversations about each area of your life. I’ve heard women say, “I’m trying to make it to the end of the month.” Or “I’ll never find a good man.” A breakthrough is more than an “aha” moment-it’s a paradigm shift in which you limiting beliefs disappear. Your mind-set-what you think, repeat and profess out loud-will become your reality. You can go on as you like, but if you ultimately believe that all the good men are taken, then guess what? That’s exactly what will be true for you.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Replace your old belief with a new proclamation.Try this one: “I am on a path to finding a magnificent person I can share my life with.” Then get out of the house!


We can, map out a plan for a break through, we can meditate on it and pray over it and pray over it, but action is what actually produces change. Folk singer Joan Beaz once said, “Action is the antidote to despair.” I’ll add that action is the prescription for success. You do the work yourself. If financial prosperity is your goal, get aggressive about finding new ways to generate income. Is there a skill set you could develop to create another revenue stream? Or if you crave a better work-life balance, what career shift can you make to carve out more time for yourself and how can you set a budget to make this possible? Or maybe you want frequent in-person time with your mate, your children or your friends. How can you rearrange your calendar and become intentional about scheduling time?

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Don’t just make a list. Get busy living out your list daily. And celebrate your wins!



Take the quiz and see how you stack up

1. Are you paying down your debt? Yes or No

Power Move: The stress of carrying debt doesn’t just deplete your bank account-it can cripple your health. Start paying down debts one at a time and watch your stress melt away.

2. Do you share a pew with your gal pals? Yes or No

Power Move: Sociologists have discovered that not only does church attendance bring inner peace but connecting with others at your place of worship heightens your sense of joy.

3. Have you truly forgiven those who have hurt you? Yes or No

Power Move: Forgiveness is an amazing gift: Reasearch shows that when we pardon others we also lower our blood pressure and strengthen immunity. So don’t forgive because others deserve it. Forgive because you do.

4. Do you eat fruits and veggies? Yes or No

Power Move: Noshing on veggies has many heath benefits. New Zealand researchers found that study participants who consumed more of nature’s goodies reported feeling calmer and more energetic.

5. Are you groomed for success? Yes or No

Power Move: In a 2011 Harvard study, women who moderate makeup were deemed more hireable. Authentic power comes from within-but a little red lip can’t hurt.

6. Do you hand over your burdens to a higher power? Yes or No

Power Move: You do yourself a huge favor each time you surrender your troubles. Prayer and meditation send the body into a relaxed state, which increases tranquility.


If you answered yes to five or 6 questions: You’re one powerful sister-you’ve set aside life’s biggest energy suckers and you’re giving yourself the nurturing you need to keep your spirits up and your dreams within reach.

If you answered yes to 3 or 4 questions: What’s love got to do with it? Everything-and you could stand to bless yourself with a little more of it. Sure, you’re moving in the right direction, but now it’s time to shift into a higher gear. Take inventory of the areas of your life that may be TLC- deprived and map out a plan to maximize your power.

If you answered yes to 1 or 2 questions: Girl, you need a major life tune-up. Consider a vacay, but to really put yourself back on the path to power, you’ll need to create a detailed plan to get to your breakthrough. Take pledge. and reach out to a pro- a counselor, a coach, a pastor, a financial advisor, a nutritionist-for some direction. We all need a lifeline at some point. Reach for your.


I am unique. My journey has been filled with experiences that have built my resiliency, defined my character and made me a better woman.

I am ready to cash in on my greatness, my brilliance, my God-given possibilities and my prosperity.

I will turn my valleys into my mountaintops, my obstacles into my opportunities, my tests into my testimony.

I love my cinnamon, caramel, mocha and deep chocolate skin, my full lips, my round hips and my kinky hair.

I am a masterpiece of humility, gratitude, godliness and divinity. My beauty is real. My heart is good, and my strength has been confirmed through the test of time with my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.

I will show the world how to treat me—and it’s my job to give the world the best example possible.

I have turned my crawl into a walk, my walk into a run, and I’m now turning my run into my soar.

I am unapologetic about my brilliance, untamed in my quest to discover me.

I am no longer asking for permission to be me. I’m giving notice!

Article from ESSENCE magazine June 2013 issue.