8 week “Life Work” Series (week#6)
As we get older we realize that it matters very much who we spend our time with. If we spend a lot of time around people who bring us down and make us feel bad about ourselves, that feeling persists even when we’re not with the mojo-crushing person. This general group of people — whom we can safely call “toxic” — might resent your progress for any number of reasons. Perhaps they think you’ll no longer be in their life if you improve too much. Maybe they feel like your improvement exposes their own shortcomings. Or perhaps they’re just threatened by the idea of change. It’s rare for a toxic people to totally sabotage your attempts at self-improvement, but it does happen. At the very least, they will certainly slow your progress. More to the point, would you want someone in your life who’s actively opposed to making your life better?
The answer, of course, is no. And yet that can be hard to accept, until you begin to recognize the effects of toxicity within you.
an old myth that frogs will pull down other frogs trying to escape a pot of boiling water. That’s Removing Toxic People from Your Life | Why It’s So Important
Under the influence of a toxic person, you might second guess yourself on an important decision. You might feel sad, uncomfortable and downright ashamed about your own progress and well-being. You might even take on some of the same toxic qualities you resent in others — something that happens to the best of us — because toxic people have a peculiar way of making you toxic yourself.
How to Cut Out the Truly Toxic People
First, a quick warning: Cutting toxic people out of your life can blow up in your face. That’s part of the disease. With that said, it’s absolutely crucial to remove these people from your life in a healthy and rational way.
So how do you go about removing these toxic people from your life and reclaiming the time and energy you’ve been giving them?
Accept that it might be a process. Getting rid of toxic elements isn’t always easy. They don’t respect your boundaries now, so it’s likely they won’t respect them later. They might come back even after you tell them to go away. You might have to tell them to leave several times before they finally do. So keep in mind that distancing yourself is a gradual process.
Don’t feel like you owe them a huge explanation. Any explaining you do is more for you than for them. Again, tell them how you feel, which is a subject not open for debate. Or, if you prefer, keep it simple: Tell them calmly and kindly that you don’t want them in your life anymore, and leave it at that. How much or how little you tell them is really up to you. Every relationship requires a different approach.
Talk to them in a public place. It’s not unheard of for toxic people to get belligerent or even violent. Talking to them publicly can significantly diminish the chances of this happening. If you run into problems, you can just get up and leave.
Block them on social media. Technology makes distancing more difficult, so don’t leave any window open for them to bully or cajole you. You’ve set boundaries. Stick to them. This includes preventing them from contacting you via social media, if appropriate. Shutting down email and other lines of communication with a toxic person might also be in order.
Don’t argue — just restate your boundaries. It’s tempting to fall into the dynamic of toxicity by arguing or fighting — that is precisely what toxic people do. In the event they do return, make a promise with yourself to avoid an argument. Firmly restate your boundaries, then end communication. You’re not trying to “debate” the person into leaving you alone. This isn’t a negotiation. You can, however, make it less and less attractive for them to keep bothering you. “Do not feed the trolls!”
Consider writing a letter. Writing yourself a letter is a sort of dress rehearsal for an in-person conversation. You’re clarifying your thoughts and articulating your feelings. You can also refer back to the letter later, if you need to remember why you made the decision to cut someone out. Because toxic people often do everything they can to stay in your life, you’ll need all the help you can get.
Consider creating distance instead of separation. Remember the person we talked about above — the one who’s not toxic, but just a drag? You don’t have to cut these people out of your life completely. You just need to create distance by occupying your time with other friends and activities, and agreeing not to feed into their dynamic.
8 wks “Life Work” Series 2/13 (week#2)
Spirituality in Daily Life
Being spiritual, at its core, is just being aware of the spirit inside and attending to its needs. My body has material needs of food, cleanliness, exercise etc. which I fulfil duly as it keeps me running. Similarly, my soul too has needs of purity, positivity, righteous living, love etc. So when my soul is deprived of its needs, how can I realign my soul and body to become one, which is the secret and primary need of success in any field?
Righteous living pertains to, but is not limited to, doing the right thing always, which we have made very difficult for ourselves in today’s life. We have become so used to doing things as per our convenience, that we don’t care whether what we are doing is morally and ethically right. So, who is really harmed here? Not others, but only our soul, which is getting engrossed and heavy. We can really feel the difference when we do something good, especially something good for others; we feel good and light. It’s a beautiful feeling, isn’t it!
So what I am trying to speak of here is a basic need, and the primary teaching in every religious and spiritual institution – the right way of living. If there is anything more important to spirituality than this, it is the right way of thinking, which again eventually builds up to righteous living.
Now one may ask how do I know what is right and what is wrong? Well, the soul always knows it, and guides us too! What we have to do is be aware of the presence of our soul inside. Believe me, you can listen to it. But to be able to listen to your inner Self takes a lot of practice, and this practice is best known as meditation. So I believe including this very practice of listening to the soul in our daily life, acts as the first and very important step towards finding spirituality in our daily life. As they say, “Keep calm and meditate”.
Doing Whatever It Takes
~ Challenge Your Spiritual Life…
~ Focus on Your Ability…
~ Your Drive, Your Desire, Your Attitude, Your Ambition…
~ Position Yourself…
~ Do Whatever God Wants You To Do…
~ Putting Away Selfish Ways…
~ Communicate & Motivate…
~ Bringing Joy, Happiness, Fulfillment In Your Life…
The New Year stands before us like a fresh chapter in a book.
What will you write for the next chapter of your life? It’s entirely up to you. Take the first step to make sure that it’s a
good great chapter by setting New Year’s resolutions or goals…#NewYou
1. Start a Meditation Practice.
2. Learn Something New Each Day.
3. Pick Up a Hobby.
4. Play More.
5. Eat Fewer Calories.
6. Write a Business Plan.
7. Move More.
8. Read More Books.
9. Be More Grateful.
10. Stop Procrastinating.
Living life to the fullest doesn’t just mean setting big goals like going bungee jumping or learning to scuba dive. It also includes learning to enjoy the little things. That is, learning to appreciate life’s simple pleasures.
Encourage One Another (Say Encouraging Words Daily)
Make it a Habit to Encourage Others — (Words of Encouragement Change People)
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…Ephesians 4:29
As you all know I’m a community activitst and that’s what this blog started as a foundation for community awareness and building our communities. So if your goals are to be more involved in the community this year orany given day here are a few tips to get your Monday started off right.
We have embraced social media: It’s a recognition that this medium of communication is immediate, compelling and very useful for feedback. Things change quickly with social media so it needs to be a whole organisation approach.
The lead needs to come from the community: We facilitate and support. Communal facilities and partnership working with all agencies is critical so the area is cohesive and people can see everyone is working together.
It is important to remember that there are people who will not become digitally engaged: There will always be vulnerable customers who need face-to-face support. We need to ensure we work with the IT community hubs in our areas, and also we provide computer access in our offices for customers, but critially train local community champions in all these to spread supporting information.
Partner up: The voluntary and community sector have a lot of experience and it is important to support them rather than develop new programmes outside of this. That is the only way we can develop sustainable programmes and community ownership.
Do you truly believe that something wonderful is coming your way? Can you say without a doubt that there are amazing things in store for you?
I used to be one of those people that wanted to believe in all that was possible, but I also didn’t want to be overconfident that things would work out and either “jinx” or set myself up to be disappointed if things didn’t go as planned.
But, not anymore. I have abandoned all that type of thinking that requires you to downplay or doubt that great things are coming your way.
“Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worse.” — Gone
“Don’t expect anything and you don’t get disappointed.” — Gone
Because thinking like that not only taints what really is possible, it also doesn’t allow you to be as enthusiastic as you should be and have the best energy flowing that will really inspire you to do great things today.
“Do Good…Love Life…Live Well”
“Ask not what your teammates can do for you. Ask what you can do for your teammates.”
Welcome To Monday…
Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Princess.
Age 6: She looks at herself in the mirror and sees a Barbie doll.
Age 10: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.
Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister.
Mum, I can’t go to school looking like this!
Age 20: She looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too
tall, too straight/too curly – fixes herself the best she can, but
decides she’s going out anyway.
Age 30: She looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too
tall, too straight/too curly – but decides she doesn’t have time to fix
It, so she’s going out anyway.
Age 40: She looks at herself and sees too fat/too thin, too short/too
tall, too straight/too curly – but says, At least, I am ‘clean’ and
goes out anyway.
Age 50: She looks at herself and sees I am and goes wherever she wants
Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who
can’t even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers
Age 70: She looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes
out and enjoys life.
Age 80: Doesn’t bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out
to have fun with the world.
Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier.